To Gran, With Love

Today my Gran would’ve been 80. A milestone no one in my family has yet to reach. She was the matriarch of our family, the cornerstone, backbone, counselor, and guide. As much as she was all of those things, she didn’t get these titles easily, although that’s the impression I always had of her. She had a hard life and out of respect for her I won’t recount the hardships and injustices she experienced but she managed to persevere through it all which always amazed me.

In the late 60’s she left Trinidad and her two daughters to come to Canada. Like many immigrants she planned to build a better life for her family. In the early days she worked as a live-in nanny to a lovely Jewish family. She didn’t make much but she sent nearly all of what she made back to Trinidad to her parents and children then saved the rest. After a few years she saved enough money to send for my mom and aunt. They lived an incredibly modest life as my Gran transitioned into single parenthood, attended college, and worked. She would often tell me stories of how most mornings she would have a cup of tea for breakfast so whatever food was available went to my mom and aunt or forgo job opportunities just to be there when her girls got home from school.

As I think of her I realize she made countless sacrifices, that’s just who she was. She sacrificed her ideal career, her life, time, and money just so her family and future generations could thrive in the ways she didn’t. Because of her I have access to education, jobs, and other opportunities I wouldn’t necessarily have access to if she stayed in Trinidad. Without her strength, perseverance, and candidness I wouldn’t be filled with her life lessons which I am so blessed to keep and share with generations after me. Her words of wisdom will always be my compass.

Since her passing, I’ve spent so much time reflecting on my life; who I am and who I want to be. I think of her sacrifices and what I have accomplished as a result of them - which in my mind isn’t much. She gave up way too much for me to continue to live a timid, fearful, mediocre life. Whenever I had a career or academic dilemma, she would always say “You’re a Canadian, use that to your advantage,” or my other personal favorite, “Try, just try.” I feel as though I owe it to her to do just that. I’ve always loved writing. I would get lost in books, create stories and express myself in journal after journal but I never thought I would write professionally or share my words with others - especially now since I didn’t pursue writing as a career.

My Gran never got to fully live out her dreams of being a nurse, a singer, and a fashion designer (although she did dabble in fashion by hosting fashion shows and working in retail) she gave all of it up for us. I owe it to her and myself to try, just try. So here is my introduction to living a dream, not waiting for anyone to give me an opportunity but to take my life into my own hands, and honour a woman who gave me everything. Welcome to my blog.

Happy Birthday, Gran. Thank you. We love and miss you.

My Last Letter

Gran’s Eulogy

Good morning, I’m Louise’s 3rd grandchild. I struggled to write my part of the eulogy. I kept thinking “How can I sum up who my grandmother in a few words?”

I can’t. There are too many memories to recount. She was the foundation of our small but growing family. She never missed a moment to tell you how many grandchildren and great grandchildren she had. She valued family and on many occasions would remind me to do the same. She made more sacrifices for her family than I can recall. 

A lot of my life lessons came from her. She taught me how to be a true friend - she was always there to support her friends. Even if it was through a simple phone call. She taught me how to stick up for myself - she would always say you have a mouth, speak! Mainly, I learned this because she would say “Do you think  I’m gonna let any one walk all over me?” Kiss her teeth and follow up with “you must be crazy.” - her words not mine. Most importantly she taught me how to be selfless. She gave from her heart no matter what. Big or small - it didn’t matter - if she had it she gave it. 

When she had a cold or flu she would still do at least 90% of what she would usually do on a regular day, where if I was sick I would do 0%. I would tell her to forgot about what needs to be done and rest. She would always say one of two things - “never leave what you can do today for tomorrow” or her personal favourite reserved just for me - “if you had kids and husband you would have to get up.”

That was my Gran. Not only was she the epitome of strength, sass and independence, she was always thinking of others. That was Louise.

She was the first person I would call with good news or when I needed her guidance. Gran always knew what you needed which was either more time spent in prayer or her sound advice. She always gave the best advice and that will be one of the many things I miss about her. 

I’ll miss her singing along to gospel songs on Sunday mornings. Her and Scottie teasing each other and laughing. Her signature voicemails and her unbelievably delicious crab salad. If you had her crab salad, you know what I mean. Her stories, that of which she had plenty - and no matter how many times she told them always told them with the same enthusiasm, as if it was the first time she was telling you. My personal favourite was her asking me “where are your mittens kitten” on cold mornings. 

I could go on forever about the great moments spent with Gran. I’m sure all of you have your own special memories that you will continue to think of fondly whenever she comes to mind or someone mentions her name. I know all she would want is for us to remember her. To think of the good times we shared with her and to try to be like the fantastic woman she was.